We are the Yuuzhan Vong who say NI
by SithMasterYoda
Summary: The Yuuzhan Vong have a weakness...............


We are the Yuuzhan Vong who say...................... NI!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.  
Note: You need to have seen this from the movie, and read most of the New Jedi Order books, but it's not need.   
You DO need to know who Warmaster Tsavong Lah and Nom Anor are, though. Most of this will be the same, I pretty  
much just change the people.  
  
  
  
  
  
SCENE: THE FOREST  
THE JEDI KNIGHTS OF THE NEW REPUBLIC ARE WALKING THROUGH THE FOREST, WHEN, OUT OF NOWHERE................   
  
  
Tsavong Lah: NI!  
  
  
(the Jedi stop in their tracks)  
  
  
Nom Anor: NI! NI! NI!   
  
Luke Skywalker: Who are you?  
  
Tsavong Lah: We are the Yuuzhan Vong who say........... NI!  
  
Random Vong: NI!  
  
Luke: No! Not the Yuuzhan Vong who say NI!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Yes! The same!  
  
Corran Horn: Who are they?  
  
Tsavong Lah: We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'NI!, 'Peng!, and 'Neee-wom!!  
  
Nom Anor: Neee-wom!  
  
Luke (talking to Corran): Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.  
  
Tsavong Lah: The Yuuzhan Vong who say "NI!" demand a sacrifice.  
  
Luke: Yuuzhan Vong who say NI!, we are but simple travellers who seek the Jedi Master Yoda who lives beyond these woods.  
  
Yuuzhan Vong: NI! NI! NI! NI! NI!  
  
  
(the Jedi squrim in pain)   
  
  
Luke: Ow! Ow! Aaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!  
  
Tsavong Lah: We shall say "NI" to you if you do not appease us.   
  
Luke: What is it you want?  
  
Tsavong Lah: We want.................... a shrubbery!  
  
  
  
(dramatic muisc chord)  
  
  
  
Luke: A what?  
  
Nom Anor: NI! NI! NI! NI!  
  
Luke (in pain): Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery.  
  
Tsavong Lah: You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through these woods.............alive.  
  
Luke: O Yuuzhan Vong who say NI, you are just and fair. We will return with a shrubbery.  
  
Tsavong Lah: One that looks nice.  
  
Luke: Of course.  
  
Tsavong Lah: And not too expensive.  
  
Luke: Yes.  
  
Tsavong Lah: Now........... go!  
  
  
  
(the scene changes to a cartoon, and then an another scene that had nothing to do with this parody, so GET ON WITH IT!!)   
  
  
  
SCENE: A VILLAGE  
(Aunt Beru is beating a cat against................. against something, and Luke and Kyp enter) (muisc is heard)  
  
  
  
Luke: Old woman! (music stops) Is there anywere in this town where we could but a shrubbery?  
  
  
  
(dramatic chord)  
  
  
  
Aunt Beru: Who sent you?  
  
Luke (looking around, afraid): The Yuuzhan Vong who say "NI".  
  
Aunt Beru: Aarrgg! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.  
  
Luke: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say............... we will say....... NI.  
  
Aunt Beru: Arg! Do your worst!  
  
Luke: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily, (looks around) ............... NI!  
  
Aunt Beru: No! Never! No shrubberies!  
  
Luke: NI!  
  
Corran: NU!  
  
Luke: No, no, no.   
  
Corran: NU!  
  
Luke: No, no. 'NI'. You're not doing it right.  
  
Corran: NI!  
  
Luke: That's it, that's it. You've got it.  
  
Luke and Corran: NI!  
  
Aunt Beru: Arg!  
  
Luke: NI!  
  
Corran: NI!  
  
Luke: NI!  
  
Corran: NI!  
  
  
(Mace Windu enters)  
  
  
Mace Windu: Are you saying 'NI' to that old lady?  
  
Luke: Mmmm........... yes.  
  
Windu: Oh, what sad times are these, when passing ruffians can say 'NI' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land.  
Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic press at this peroid in history.   
  
Luke: Did you say 'shruberries'?  
  
Windu: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Mace Windu The Shrubber. I arrrange, design, and sell shrubberies.  
  
Corran: NI!  
  
Luke: No, no, no!  
  
  
  
SCENE: THE FOREST  
  
  
  
Luke: O Yuuzhan Vong who say 'NI', we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?  
  
Tsavong Lah: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly........., but there is one small problem.  
  
Luke: What is that?  
  
Tsavong Lah: We are no longer the Yuuzhan Vong who say 'NI!'.  
  
Nom Anor, random Vong: NI! NI! NI!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Shh! We are now the Yuuzhan Vong who say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv'.  
Therefore, we must give you a test.  
  
Luke: What is this test, O Yuuzhan Vong who........ who till recently said 'NI'?  
  
Tsavong Lah: First, you must find................ another shrubbery!  
  
  
(dramatic chord)  
  
  
Luke: Not another shrubbery!  
  
Nom Anor: NI!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Then, when you have the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the  
two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.  
  
Random Vong: A path! A path! A path! A path!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Shhh! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with................ a herring!  
  
Luke: We shall do no such thing!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Oh, please.  
  
Luke: Cut down a tree with a herring? IT can't be done.  
  
Yuuzhan Vong: Aaaaggggghhhhh! Aaaaaggggggghhhhhh!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh! Don't say that word!  
  
Luke: What word?  
  
Tsavong Lah: I cannot tell you, suffice to say is one the words the Yuuzhan Vong who say NI cannot hear or say.  
  
Luke: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what IT is?  
  
Tsavong Lah: Aaaaaauuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh! You said the word again!!!  
  
Luke (confused): What, 'is'?  
  
Tsavong Lah: No, not 'is'. We wouldn't get very far in life without 'is'.  
  
Yuuzhan Vong: Not 'is'. Not 'is'.  
  
Corran (pointing) My liege, IT's Sir Jango Fett!  
  
  
Minstrel (singing): He is packing IT in and packing IT up,  
And sneaking away and buggering up,  
And chickening out and pissing off home,  
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.  
  
  
Luke: Sir Jango Fett! IT's good to see you.   
  
Tsavong Lah: Aaaaaauuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh!! Now he's said the word!  
  
Luke: Surely you haven't given up your quest to find the Secret Battle Plans for The Death Star?  
  
Minstrel (singing): He is sneaking away and buggering up---  
  
Jango Fett: Shut Up! No, no. Far from IT.  
  
Tsavong Lah: He said the word again!  
  
Jango Fett: I was looking for IT.  
  
All Yuuzhan Vong: Aaaaaaaaauuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!  
  
Jango Fett: Uh, here..... here in this forest.  
  
Luke: No, IT is far for this place.  
  
Tsavong Lah: Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh! Stop saying the word! The word............  
  
Luke: Oh, stop IT!  
  
Tsavong Lah: ............we cannot hear! Ow! He said IT again!!  
  
Luke: Han! Let's go!  
  
Tsavong Lah: Wait! I said IT! I said IT!   
  
  
(the Jedi leave)  
  
  
Tsavong Lah: Oooooohhhhhhh! I said IT again! And there again! That's three IT's! (the Yuuzhan Vong squrim in pain)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
